


What I Wish for Him

by keyboardclicks



Category: The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue Series - Mackenzi Lee
Genre: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 10:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12528916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keyboardclicks/pseuds/keyboardclicks
Summary: It's the Goblin's birthday, and Monty's feelings about it are... complicated.





	What I Wish for Him

Kept plenty busy with work and other things, I never paid much attention to the date. Only when I by chance became aware that it was the eighteenth of the month did I get a strange, unshakeable feeling that the day was for some reason important.  It bothered me for the entirety of the day until Percy and I lay in bed, quite content and tired, and it suddenly struck me.

“Oh,” I said aloud.  “Today’s the Goblin’s birthday.”

Percy turned to face me, thought a moment, then replied, “Oh, it is.”  He smiled and nudged me playfully with his elbow.  “Surprised you remembered.”

“Bit difficult to not remember the day I was sure my life was to be ruined forever.”

He rolled his eyes, still smiling but saying nothing more.  I squirmed until my head rested on his chest and my limbs were each inclined towards him.  Percy’s large frame was always warm and comfortable to touch.

“Well many happy returns to him,” I allowed after settling.

“You don’t sound very enthused about it.”

“I’ve not got much of a reason to be.”

“He’s your brother.”

“Yes, and I knew him for so little of a time that he will definitely not remember me.  Likely won’t even know I existed, tell you the truth; it’s not as if Mother and Father are going to keep my portrait around.  Come to think of it, they’ll likely scrap Felicity’s, as well.  He’ll grow up thinking he’s an only child until he hears the gossip.  “Oh yes, your older siblings.  They ran away while on their grand tour when you were just a babe.  Nobody’s quite sure what they’re up to now; became filthy beggars or whores, I’m willing to bet.  Did you know your brother was a sodomite?  Your father tried to hide it but news does travel…”

Percy ran his fingers over mine thoughtfully.  “We’ll all be old news by then, I’m sure.”

“Then perhaps Father will use me as an example of what he shouldn’t become.  “He was a disgusting, pitiable creature unfit for the name I gave him.  Know what’s best for you and keep in line; never act as he did.  If word gets to me that you’ve done anything unacceptable I will thrash you within an inch of your life!”  I hated how accurate my imitation was.

We were quiet then for a moment, until Percy said, “How cheery...”

I exhaled and dug my face into his shoulder.  Thinking about Father was not something I particularly enjoyed and so I tried to do it as little as possible.  I hadn’t seen him in so long yet I still flinched if someone raised their hand too quickly.  Would that ever stop?

Percy spoke again after some time.  “You should wish him well.”

“We’re not exactly near one another and it’s a bit late to send a letter.”

“Well just… wish.  Send it out into the universe, I don’t know.  Maybe it’ll reach him.”

I rolled my eyes.  “What, some kind of cosmic energy?  You sound like an old fortune teller.”  Nevermind the fact that the last time I had my fortune told it was eerily accurate.

“With all we’ve seen are you really going to doubt it?”

Damn, but he had a good point.  I sighed and rolled onto my back, scooting up so our heads were beside each other on the pillows and staring up at the ceiling.  Percy’s hand found mine.

“Just try it?  Come on, it certainly can’t hurt anything, and you’ve got to feel a little bad for him.  After all, he won’t have you or Felicity’s impeccable guidance to turn to when things get hard.”

“Hah, hah.  Fine then, if you’re going to insist upon it.  My wish for the Goblin is that he grow up to be nothing like me.”  I hadn’t even thought before the words came out of my mouth, which was not itself an altogether unusual thing to happen, but was still surprised by how true they were.  “I wish him to be intelligent and thoughtful, and to never touch a drop of alcohol or a deck of cards as long as he lives.”

Percy was less than pleased with my choice of wishes, and attempted to stop me with a, “Monty…”

“I wish for him to like women and  _ only  _ women, and to be the obedient son Father always wanted.  At least then he’ll be able to avoid the beatings…”

I suddenly had the strong urge for a drink, but did not and could not act upon it for a variety of reasons.  Instead I only huffed, shifting on the bed but not taking my hand from Percy’s; even upset I would never draw myself away from him.  “There,” I finally said, “happy?”

“No, not really.  Monty…”  Percy turned onto his side, letting go of my hand and instead using his to stroke my face a little.  I didn’t budge, stubborn like a child.  

“What?  You’re upset with me for wishing him an easy life?  I thought that’s what I was  _ supposed  _ to do.”

“I’m just upset that wishing good for him means talking about yourself like that.”

Damn Percy and the soft, mellow voice he used when comforting me.  Turning my head just a bit I saw he was smiling in a way that made my stomach do flips, but then again all of his smiles did that.  I finally relented and turned fully on my side, letting myself be drawn in and held and given kisses atop my head like Percy had so come to like.  

He didn’t say anything more about what I’d said but I kept thinking about it.  It wasn’t that I hated the Goblin, not anymore; after all I hadn’t seen him in such a long time and he wasn’t any sort of risk for me.  But he was still my brother and maybe in some way I did want him to have a simple, happy life.  I also knew, though, that to have that he could be nothing like me; he would have to be the prodigal son for Father, honest and sober and right in all the ways I was wrong.  Then maybe he could avoid the thrashings, the guilt, the ruin, the everything.  And maybe I would have been happy in some way if news ever reached me that he’d run away as Felicity and I had done, but the lives we had found were hard.  I wouldn’t have traded mine for the world, but it was hard.  Then, maybe I did still hate myself after all Percy had done to try and break me of that.  Maybe I resented the Goblin because he would almost certainly be better than me, more successful than me, more loved by our parents than me.  Maybe this, maybe that, it was all too much to think about.  I didn’t understand it myself, and couldn’t explain it to Percy if I tried, such was the strange mix of feelings swirling around in my muddle of a mind.

Percy’s hand found the back of my neck and rested there, his fingers gently playing with some small curls of hair.  It was pleasant and distracting, much like Percy himself, and I chose for that to be my new focus of the night.  The Goblin would have many birthdays to come, God willing, and if I still hadn’t figured these blasted feelings out in a year or two then perhaps they weren’t worth thinking about.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick thing I wrote while putting off writing something else. (Story of my life.)


End file.
